Tag Archives: Thoughts

Working My Brain Inside-out

It has been so long since I stepped into my journal world … too long in fact, the last post was in April … now it seems I have to get used to the wordpress format all over again. 

This post is spontaneous, I just typed my blog name … not really knew the purpose, and I got in and I clicked on “new post”.  So what’s up?

Do you work?  Where are you working?  …  I got asked so many times in the last 6 months, I lost count, and now few asked again.  And I like it this way.  I knew some are genuine concerns and I will surely update these people personally without being asked.  The others?  Probers, perhaps … some friends just had time to dig information and I am not longer sure if they really care how I am doing, and I gave them answers that probably bored them that they realised I was not going to share anything in depth with them that would be newsworthy.  Many no longer contact me coz we are not in the same grapevine, perhaps.

Tai-Tai? …  Some friends used terms on me which irritated me a little, because they are my friends.  Just because I don’t work for a salary or employed, I was referred to as “Tai-Tai” or “woman of leisure”.  Few can accept I let go a good package in the pharmaceutical industry to pursue something they never thought I would, and in most cases we became friends in the same industry.  I could not provide them with any concrete ideas they could imagine and expect me to be, so some effectively thought I do nothing.  Ha.  These words from them were not malicious, just ignorance of truly what I am pursuing, despite me sharing my personal goals and dreams.  Different wavelength just because I choose not to be a salaried corporate employee, and we are not on the same corporate path.  But I know some of these friends do care for me.

My family life?  …  I am also working on starting a family.  It is no simple task, partly because the reproductive system is not at its peak.  But we believe it is in God’s will and plan that he will provide for me, for us, for our family.

My business?  …  literally, ha, it is my business indeed.  I am indeed working on a plan to start something , however small the steps are, but just start.  Recently BK said to me a phrase he read somewhere, do not remember the exact words, something to the effect – as long as we don’t stop dreaming and working on it, continue to move no matter how small the steps.  He spoke to me at a time when my mind was filled with hesitance, fear, self-doubt, and yet roaring to create our dream.  I finalised on the name and registered my business, met up and confirmed the vendor to create my website, pressured and adrenalised (I don’t think there is this word but the meaning is exactly what I need) into working the business plan and the “products”.  I enjoy every moment from the dream to the search, research and continuously researching … to the plan, and I aim towards realising it.

Perserverance?   …   I must continuous despite of fear.  Or I will never do anything great.  I believe.  I do.  I be.

When my business is realised, this will be where I shall first update.

This note felt so much like a psychological assurance to myself, but really it put down my full commitment to getting It done, getting  It right!

Keep in touch  …  with the people who care for me, with myself who got to just do it, do it.

ps:  Recently on radio, I overheard the DJ sharing some words on Life – we do not hope to win, or think we can win, but Expect To!  Cheers

A Blessed 2009 to Everyone …

Yes, my wish for the New Year  is that everyone will live a blessed and fulfilling life!

As always, things happen for great reasons … so a blessed life to me does not mean that only good things happen and everything goes smoothly – it means to me that we learn and grow from small hiccups and face greater tasks with confidence & gusto and lead a progressive life mentally & emotionally … spiritually, I have to work at  it (I will give “physically” a definite miss).

I did not and will not make any new year resolution.  Since beginning of 2008, I have set my mission and vision in my life.  Every steps along the way, I remind mindful that my actions contributed to my life vision.  I became happier … that said, I have always been easy go lucky, I have always been pretty happy.  Think my name helps, my Dad gave me the name and he forgot about my Chinese name.

In 2008, a major breakthrough was that I learnt to let go of negative energies – things and persons that bogged me down, however infrequent.  Some things really bothered me but I didn’t know then how to release, they just popped up along the way in my lives.  I still remembered it just happened when I was in the bus on the way to the culinary institute in August, … as usual I was day dreaming, and I just felt ready to move on and live my life.  That was when I shared my journal entries and my life moves on.  When things happen and bothered me, I learnt to “whoosh” it off – somehow it helped and it worked.  Simply that.

For the new year, I am just going to live life … continuously learn and grow as an individual, as a partner in my blessed marriage, as a family with my loving parents, sis & David, bro & Pei San and the 6 beautiful children … as a worthy friend to worthy friends.

Laugh, Love & Live Life.

An Enriching 2 weeks to Year Close … My Attachment in Brief

It has been 18 days since I returned to Singapore, and minus a day since I last penned something on this blog.

In Singapore, it is the beginning of the last day to 2008.  Dec 31 2008.  It is 12.15am now.

It is my intention to continue updating my journal and learning on this blog even though I have uprooted from Houston.  … For the last 2 weeks, I opened my blog everyday (yes, every single day) with the intent to pen down something, then I was too sleepy to continue and zonked out soon after.  Why?  I have been working hard… ha.

I will update the events separately (hmm … the intent is there!) coz each was exciting in its own right.  But since I came back to Singapore, I have been kept on the go, I am happy to be so and intend to continue to be so.

In brief, I touched down Singapore on 13 Dec, started my “attachment” with hotel* on 15 Dec.  Yes, immediately … I considered attending CIAML for the last 5 months in Houston a mental break and a good rest.  I have rested sufficiently and was eager to enter the real kitchen.  (*For my own privacy as well as the hotel and the Executive Pastry Chef (a.k.a. EPC) who provided me the opportunities to do OJT, unless it was shared personally with the individuals in private, the hotel name and individual names will be kept confy in these entries).  My luggage was left unpacked, my box of reference books was apparently left at the post office waiting for my collection.

The hotel group has approximately 2000 rooms.  Sufficiently big to keep the pastry kitchen busy.  There are 4 sections to the central pastry kitchen – one in charge of misen place for a complex consisting of fine French dining, buffet, ala carte, another an Italian restaurant, another for function & banquet, and a section for bakery.  I am currently attached to the first, and will be rotated after a month in each.  There are a total of 50+ staff for the pastry kitchen, about half worked in each swift – but many worked more than 12 hours, I observed.

Oh …. “attachment” means I chose the EPC I would like t0 work with, researched the establishment, felt excited enough to offer my service.   Voluntary, to be exact.  Free, if it was not apparent enough.  To be more exact, I am learning for free, and I am definitely learning in an environment that keeps me positive and learning for the last 2 weeks.  I am happy to have been given this opportunities and made this choice.  EPC emphasized during staff briefing on several occasions – seize the opportunities to learn. 

The section I worked with right now is led by a pastry chef, assisted by a junior sous chef, 2 commis cooks 1, 1 commis cook 2, 1 commis cook 3, and  2 students on mandatory attachment from a local culinary institute – 1 student is a German lady armed with a Masters in Law, another a guy in his mid-30s who career switched from a technical field.  It is also not surprising by now that only the pastry chef, and the guy were about my age.  I learnt a lot from the young team.  I was surprised they were so open with the recipes, so open to share, and I entered with a strong learning mindset, no doubt.  Last week, I received a comment from the Sous Chef that I was “OK” to everything – that was to whatever I was asked to do (yes, so long as it will not harm anyone or the establishment), I am indeed.  My response was For the next 3 months, I am OK to do anything.  Then again, in the last 6 months, I was OK to do anything to facilitate my learning too.  So … if I continue this attitude as I progress, everything would be OK and I will retain my positive approach to living each moment, savour each opportunity that comes along.

I have a strong belief – I can learn a lesson from every situation.  It could be a technical skill, a recipe, the method for a big recipe … it could be a lesson drawn from a negative demonstration (Something I always remembered from Chef Kris’s advice during ServSafe – I may not in the position to make a change to the situation then but I would have learn an important lesson what not to do when I am in control in future), from the working ethics of the colleagues around me, from a miscalculation – never a mistake but always a learning … also all these serve to shape my vision.

The pastry chef asked me yesterday about my plan after 3 months with the hotel… I don’t know, Chef.  I will let you know as long as it becomes clear to me soon.  I only have a vision, and I only need to ensure my actions support the vision. 

In the last 12  working days, we already had 5 staff briefing by Exec Pastry Chef.   The  focus was mainly on Christmas and festive - the orders, versus plan budget, the occupancy etc… admist the updates, EPC shipped in a super huge (weighed 10 kg) Panatone from Italy to share with the pastry team for Christmas, he prepared learning materials on Creams, Christmas Breads & Cakes and their origins, a major fridge and freezer clean up shortly post Christmas day …  He showed a passion to teach and train, he couldn’t reinforce enough – seize the opportunities to learn.  EPC shared that when he first started out, he was allocated to do menial tasks, and wasn’t taught much by his chef then … he resolved to share as much as possible with his team, even the trainees in his charge.  Wow.

To sum up my sentiments based on my experience thus far, I am blessed to be contributing in this pastry kitchen, which I believe to be one of the biggest in town.  How the experience turns out is within our control, it is all how we perceive.  I choose to remove my tainted glasses, and see the world with a fresh lens, a renewed angle.

In the midst of my interaction with the team in the kitchen, I bear in mind a key advice which Chef Philippe wrote for me “The Chef is always right” … “The Chef is always right”.  This proves useful.  EPC also voiced the same sentiments how we view our customer – “… Do first, clarify later”.

I hope to uploads some pix before the close of the year to put last 2 weeks in perspective.  I do not work on 31 Dec 2008 … I chose not to.  Chef said I have a choice coz I am a special case – I am not on staff payroll.  I intend to spend my morning having my early morning breakfast with BK before he takes the train to work, a second McD breakfast with my mum and my 3 nieces … then start my own orientation process with the pastry suppliers in town to check out ingredients, home use equipment, home use utensils.

As the last day of the year approach for all my friends in Houston, may we all live a life well lived!  I give thanks that I met you in my life.

To The Chefs’ Office

Thursday, 16 Oct 2008

I just burst a plastic full of air right behind Chef Philippe’s back.  Didn’t manage to scare him, but Rafaella who was talking to Chef got scared instead :~?  Jennie went with me to the break room as Chef’s work station is right next to it - she was my “accompanying person“.  Usually Rafa would be with us, but she was already in the break room and didn’t know what I was up to.  Earlier, Jill had helped me blown a plastic-full of air for my mission.  The plastic was already punctured from a previous burst??!!  Nobody agreed to be my accomplice though whoever present (names left out) readily chipped in ideas for me to execute – that was so kind?  But I was scared I scared myself instead … err … ha.  Chef Pierre walked into the lab just then, and wondered why he was involved.  Let’s just say without provocation, I would usually not initiate such plot.  But I really felt playful today.

At the end of class, I told Chef Philippe we enjoyed his class that day … “… this the first time you enjoyed my class?“  Oops … no!  Always do ~ disclaimer.  Really enjoyed the class, and I guessed I expressed it also because I was feeling light - likely the class size and what we got to do that day really made me felt so therapeutic.  For once there were only 5 of us – Sarah, Jill, Elizabeth, Quin and me - in class instead of 9 … each of us got to prep a double recipe of different kinds of bread from ingredients to kneading to first proof.   In between we prep Grand Mere Tarts, I had prep 2 recipes of apples and pears to sautee thinking April would come but she did not come to class that day.  Then croissants with bechemel sauce.  Later that morning, we had to shape the bread – flatten, weigh, rest, slap to flatten, shape.  I loved to slap down the dough ~ I guessed it was the only time in lab I can legitimately bang on the work table, and I slapped it hard indeed.  My classmates joked that I displayed signs of internal rage.  The more and the harder I slapped, the more therapeutic I felt.  It was a great way to release bottled stale energy, maybeHa!  I joked “I am feeling bitchy today“, they laughed even harder.  Apparently, my tone got too high and my pronounciation was off and sounded like “beachy”.  I loved the aroma and taste of freshly baked bread, but I haven’t thought of baking bread … maybe I should …. once a while.  And we really felt good at the end of the class.  Even though we were quiet most of the time, there was a lot of smiles, laughters and light chatters that day.  I highly recommend Dough Slapping for therapeutic purpose … and freshly baked breads come as a bonus!    

Chef Kris wants to see you in Chefs’ Office …“  For a moment, I didn’t think Chef Philippe was serious.  I had just exploded the bag and was feeling too playful to be serious.  Oh it was for real.  Chef Kris asked me to take a seat and pulled a chair next to him.  I felt like a student who was called into the Principal’s office for playing a prank on a teacher??   In fact, the scenario fitted what I just did.

Chef Kris had read my blog - about what Chef Philippe spoke with us regarding our future.  I had expressed that it was scary even though I have to confront it.  He shared with me the 10-year plan he usually got his Associate Degree students to complete, and he believed I would complete mine.  Know what I want at the end point, and the path I need to take to make it happen… research, put it down and make it happen.  If I really believe a particular place is where I believe will take me to where I want to be, I just have to make it happen – email, call, send by snail mail, fax, pack and appear in front of the door(?).  He emphasized the 10 year plan doesn’t mean it is fixed, as I progress I would make revision to chart my path.  His advice was ”don’t take up any job that come along, and realise you are wasting your time“.   

It was a thoughtful 40 min consultation.  And I really appreciate that he bothered to.  I just have to do my part.

I shared with Chef Kris that the 10 year plan reminded me of the 10 year product plans I did in the past.  Due to the variables along the way, the 10 year end result usually looked totally different from the plan.  As the years went, the 10 year plan in corporate was shortened to 5 years, then to 3 and in some companies to 2. 

I understand his point though – Set A Vision and Purposefully Work Towards It!

When I was writing this entry, I took out My Mission and Vision folder from my box for the first time in Houston.  Now I am amazed with myself – other than a few pieces of clothing and some miscellaneous, I had really brought in my 2 luggages my books, my stationery and my folder containing My Life Direction notes and my laptop – I need so little to live comfortably. I completed My Mission and Vision during a Life Direction Intensive session with T. Harv Eker in Singapore back in 31 January – 2 February 2008.  My Mission and Vision were completed on the spot then and I had never given prior thought to it.  Harv had advised feeling it in us and to identify words that inspired the energy in us to spell out My Mission.  Instead of spelling out our Vision, we drew our vision then – about My Life – as words may not accurately expressed the images in our mind.  I just re-read My Mission and it continues to hold true in my heart.  We were then supposed to work out a year, month then week calendar to purposefully live toward our Vision.  I am still procrastinating on this calendar. 

My Vision back in January 2008: (Shan’t attach my drawing here ;p)

1.  My Family Life.  Quality, Leisure Time with Financial Freedom.  My family has always been my priority.  If God is willing, we would love to have 2 beautiful children.  As a family, we have quality time together to explore continuous learning and growth as individuals, and as a family.  

2.  My Other Life.  Truth be told, I have always wanted to be an Educational Psychologist and there was a lingering regret till I came to the Culinary Institute.  I don’t think there is any connection, but that feeling had become a past for me, for now.  I went into marketing and I believe my skill is transferable.  Back in Jan 2008, I had no idea I will be attending a Baking & Pastry Arts program with the Culinary Institute, I had not planned to be in Houston - one day it just became possible, I arrived and started living life here, then at times started to find out what’s happening.  My vision then:

~~~  Worked with *Happy and Highly Motivated Associates.  Be it for my employment or my business.

~~~  Have a *High Traffic Blog to share Motivational and Inspirational stories with the World.  I imagined but was never motivated to start a blog.  I didn’t know where to start, what to write.  The only time it became a reality was when I came to Houston and I needed a place to jot down my notes of my journey, and I started writing for myself, from my heart … and it was still a procrastinating 3 weeks after I set up my blog page address before I wrote something for myself.

~~~  I will have something *Published by a Well-known Publisher to inspire Life Greatness in People … the funny thing is I never write much to others except emails and messages, … technical writing bores me.  I wrote often to myself to set aside my thoughts, my fears, my dreams, my ideas, my research … but they are often in my scribbles.  I wasn’t sure why I wrote in My Vision then I would have something published.  … During our conversation, Chef Kris suggested ”food writer“.  I told him I couldn’t write well and I was so so in vocabulary, taste description etc, he said “not food critic“ … he said it is the same form of writing, from my experience … from my heart.  I am not sure if I want to write with a deadline, after I read Julia Child’s journal about the years she spent on her first book Mastering the Art of French Cooking I.  Chef Kris suggested 3 titles for me to get inspiration.  I love finding inspiration from reading, research, flipping pages of books.

~~~  *Creative Development for Children - Inspire, nurture, encourage motor skill development, laughter & fun in learning & development. … I believe this will still be a reality one day, as I love training and teaching, and I can incorporate this in Baking & Pastry Arts.  

~~~  *Provide Employment to the Deserved but Disadvantaged.  This can be a reality too.  I believe in giving back to where I take from.

~~~  *Passive Income.

On my wall in my apartment, I have a Vision Board I scribbled couple of weeks ago, it was not dated.  On it includes “… aPastry & Baking Lab to accomodate 20 students (describing space more than the absolute number of people) at any one time …” … ” I start my own Pastry & Baking coaching class in my own lab!”.   

The time out to the Chefs’ Office … was a gentle reminder I have not completed my plan weeks ago to revise My Vision.  I do not have many weeks left at the Culinary Institute – 5 weeks? … it appears that each time I put up an entry it is another week gone … Chef Kris said some of his students worked on their 10 year plan over 6 months, I jokingly reminded him he was not thinking of giving me 6 months as well?   This will be sorted before I complete my program, after that there will be no one to remind me, or I can’t just step into the Chefs’ Office as I wish when I am back in Singapore.

Before I left the office, he gave me 2 examples of 10 year plan for reference.  Thank you, Chef!