I have always been a scribbler, I am not sure when this habit started. I penned down my thoughts, ideas, observations, words that people shared that I wanted to remember, websites and book titles that inspired me or I just wanted to check out, even incidents that affected me and I thrashed out my emotions by writing to overcome the negativity. When I was younger, I would draw pictures and patterns. I still draw continuous patterns mindlessly sometimes when I am on the phone. Scribbling also led me to invent my trademark signature which really look like an egg and some nonsensical lines! (note: my signature is actually a laterally inverted J in cursive writing, with my name “ling” in Chinese characters).
I have no official journal, I scribble everywhere – note books, scraps, napkins when I am out at cafes, draft messages on my mobile phone, draft email messages, word document etc. No, I don’t write on my palm, I don’t like it. When I first came to Houston, I carried small and large note books, and writing pads and a bag of stationery in my luggage. Now I felt assured that H.E.B., Walgreen, Giant Dollars are just minutes away.
In class, Chef Sebastien advised us to write on the recipes provided - the steps he noted on the board, things he said, things we observed him doing. He would say in the beginning, “I may ask during the quiz”. Now it is automatic.
Chef Kris encouraged us to keep a journal when we work in the kitchen, whether we are from cuisine or pastry. He shared this during the ServSafe class, above what he was teaching on ServSafe. He advised that we should note down what the mentoring chefs say and do, the key observations, learning even things that did not turn happen the way it should. He would have a journal for each station and for each change of station. He assured us we would get so much out of it.
I have been thinking of starting a blog for a long time. My excuse has always been the technicalities, then I think it is too public. When I came to Houston, I committed myself to starting one so that I can document my experience in Houston for myself as well as to share my life with my loved ones and friends in Singapore and in other parts of the world. In my first 4 weeks, I used to repeat a same update and reply to different set of people 8-10 times via email, facebook, sms, telecalls, it was a different update for each week, then it got tedious and time-consuming, and I got bored. Now I would just say “Refer to my blog” in response to “How have you been?” or “How is your week?” or “Any updates?”.
I write so that I can remember the thinking, the happening and the emotions at a point in time. I write so that I can look back and laugh over my own ignorance and thinking in retrospect. I write so that I can shelf my thought and I can experience my life forward. As a side effect, I write so that my friends and relatives can access my journal, and we move on in tandem in life.
I have kept my blog under-wrapped for a while, I was catching up on my writing and transferring some notes from a note book I have scribbled on. I am still catching up on these experiences. Then finally I told my hubby BK about it last Thursday. He read, he was encouraging and happy for me. I wrote this to a good friend Nath, who in her words still can’t understand some part of me (my elusive self and my strong feeling towards friends who talked too much and too casually), “Then I decided since I am writing a blog, whoever is interested can read, whoever that read can point the blog to whoever interested but not reading (hee). So my stuff remains first hand to my friends.” So I shared my blog with a friend on 8 August, and then to a big group of friends on 10 August, many of them finding out for the first time I have relocated to Houston. I felt relieved, there is no more excuse that I am elusive or I am not sharing anymore.
“See if you can add privacy to it…”
I received a lot of comments via email and facebook which kept me awake and busy replying. Nath commented that “…you are more ready to share and more open about your life to others, including the not-so-close people…”. I invited my friends to comment on my blog so that their comments will be documented too as part of my life journey. Another good friend Nic wrote to me via email “but I think the whole world can see my comments. See if you can add privacy to it…”. Privacy? What privacy? I have already shared so much and there is also no privacy. So It is not just me, most people would like to keep a part of them private. But commenting on my blog with privacy? Come on.
Probably that was how I felt
A friend actually took time to check out my blog and helped me to look out for English Grammar errors, Kim commented, “…A couple of sentences were quite run-on and it was hard to figure out what you were trying to say. Maybe break it up with a period (full stop) or two…” I relooked at my entry and thought about it, I responded to her, “hmm, that shows my thinking then… NO full stop ;p” And the same for my life then. If it sounds fragmented to you, it probably was then in my life. If it sounds stupid and funny to you, it is highly probable too. If I sound chirpy and excited, that must really be how I felt. If ever, you detect any negative emotion or sadness, it is time you drop me a line or two.
“Mr LeNotre would like to see you…”
During my lab class yesterday, Jean-Luc, School Asst Admission Director, signalled to me to have a word with me outside the class. He has discovered my blog the previous day to my shock. He told me Mr LeNotre would like to see me, and it was about what I wrote. Did I write something inappropriate? No No No, we like it, continue writing and continue writing the same way, he assured me. I told him I need to tell Chef Sebastien first because I included a picture of him on my blog. Chef Sebastien is my chef instructor for level 1 and he doesn’t like us to take picture of him in class, only the pastries he was teaching us. I went up to Chef, slightly nervous, “Chef, I got a journal website and the school found out, Mr LeNotre would like to see me later” And you got into trouble? He looked concerned. No Chef, I wanted to tell you I put a picture of you on my blog and it may be shared. This time he looked shocked. Show me, show me your website. I assured him I put up a nice picture of him on the site. His reaction made me laugh.
I saw Mr LeNotre at his office, with Jean-Luc. I saw that a set of my blog articles were printed out on his desk. He told me he liked what I wrote and would like to share with the rest of the students. It was a mixed emotion – excited that they actually thought my writing is inspiring, nervous that everyone would now know what I did and what I wrote about the chefs etc, worried that my blog may sound crappy to schoolmates who were at a different stage of life. See, I am in my mid-thirties and a career changer, and more than half of the students are late teens or in their early 20s. Okay! And I didn’t let my mind think further.
Mr LeNotre asked about what I wrote and my background. I am a psychology graduate who never wrote well in school. I am always short of descriptive vocabulary … but I just wrote for myself, it is not written for anyone else. I realised it is easy when the words and emotions came from my heart and my actual thinking and experiences. They were curious why I blocked access to “10 Good Advice by Mr Alain LeNotre – Protected“. I told him I paid so much school fees to attend his school and to have an orientation session with him, so I am not sharing it with anyone else. Laughters! You gave password to friends who wanted to read? No, I gave no one. I gave Jean-Luc my password though, so maybe he can share with Mr LeNotre and correct me if I documented any advice wrongly, and give me additional bonus advice. Laugh. I was more excited and appreciative of some talk time with Mr LeNotre and seeking his advice for my career than the idea of my blog being linked to the school website. As I was leaving, he said “my door is always open”.
Things happen for good reasons indeed, I smiled, all because of my virtual scribbles.
