What Will Happen to My Journal Entries?

Interesting question … I was asked this Q a couple of times today.  By Chef Kris, by Jean-Luc, by Mr LeNotre…  I have never given myself a conclusion.

I gave myself an official last day to be at the Culinary Institute ~ I guess today was the last time I bid farewell to Mr & Mrs LeNotre, my Chefs, most friends and individuals at the culinary institute.  Each time I stepped into the Culinary Institute, my emotion got complex … these are the familiarities I grew so accustomed to for the past 20+ weeks in Houston which gave me a sense of belonging and comfort, these are the friends and individuals I have come to know halfway round the globe and may never see for some years to come.  The emotion itself is not something I want to deal with openly.

When Chef Kris asked me the Q this morning, …

I told him I am unlikely to continue my entries.  I was never a natural writer before Houston, I started this journal as a platform for me to park my thoughts and document my precious moments in Houston, for my family and friends to reach out to my inner space without me repeating myself.  So when I leave for Singapore, is Baking Joys In Houston still relevant?

As I thought more about it now, I start to have conflicting thoughts.  This really happens because my mind is cluttered and unavailable to process clearly.  Relevance?  Yes, because it continues to document my Baking & Pastry Art journey from where I began ~ in Houston  … now the journal entry serves as a platform to update the individuals in Houston who care about me  and my journey in Singapore post Houston – these individuals become my adopted family I am leaving for my family back home in Singapore.  It was exactly why the journal entry started in the first place – to update my family and friends in Singapore when I left for CIAML on 30 June.  Oh, has my thought become clearer?  Seems so … Or should the Baking Joys be uprooted and be planted in Singapore instead?  Goodness, why am I going in circles again.

Chef Kris believed I can write, and I can write simple and strike a connection.  His belief in me is stronger than mine of me - I judged myself to be limited in vocab and thus the use of simple expressions.  He repetitively drumed the belief in me, much better than my year 1 GP (General Paper) tutor ever did for me.

When Jean-Luc asked me the Q this afternoon, …

I told him No, the site is just going to crash without warning … My last message to all on 13 Dec 2008 will be titled Arrived Home Safe, Take Care … and the site will just vanish on Sunday, 14 Dec 2008.  Jean-Luc must have taken me seriously because he told me he needs to save some files before the site disappears, especially the last entry I wrote on My Tributes to the Important Individuals upon My Graduation.  I laughed.

I am not so crazy and irresponsible to just vanish and erase all my memories.  I always believe it is easier for me to pack and go than to stay behind and experience the missing bits and pieces.  My entries were connection to my precious times in Houston and the inspirations I travelled the world over to find and will always remain so. 

When Mr LeNotre asked me the same Q this afternoon, …

In fact, Mr LeNotre did not ask, he assumed so.  He told me to continue to update my progress updates in Singapore on my journal entry and he believed I will be successful.

Many times, I was driven by the expectations and faith important individuals placed on me, rather I was inspired to achieve or even exceed my own limit… I am not sure if it is because I do not want to disappoint or I never did, it is a blur.

The conclusion for now is that it is going to stay, as a channel or a memory bank, I do not know.