Nay, nothing to write about my financial bank account ~ last couple of months, it was just withdrawals and my last deposit was in July from my ex-employer, just say I need to build it again to do as I wish and it will be done. Something similar to it and I have been thinking about this for some time now in my relationship with my family, my friends at home, the good friends I made in school, my Chefs, my classmates, the people I know at the culinary institute etc … even myself ~ it is about the Emotional Bank Account.
I read about this under the Paradigm of Interdependence in the 7th Habits.
Emotional Bank Account – Like any bank account allow us to “make deposits into it and build up a reserve from which we can make withdrawals when we need to“ … ”describes the amount of trust that’s been built up in a relationship“… “feeling of safeness you have with another human being“.
This chapter resonates with me, I realized it has been happening but I have never made sense of it. My trust for some person is unquestionable, and sometimes I wonder why too. I found the Emotional Bank Account to be cleverly coined. For some people, I would do anything ~ almost, and go all out for them, a close friend once told me that is very me? But I know I would do it only for some people. I always feel blessed that I have some people in my life, even when they are part of my life journey, and I believe I will continue to meet people along the way that inspire trust in me.
“Our most constant relationships … require our most constant deposits” ~ “our constant investment” … “There are sometimes automatic withdrawals in your daily interactions or in their perception of you that you don’t even know about” …
This thought has been with me since I read this about 5 weeks back, post hurricane (hmm, again time flies, 5 more week left) … and I wrote this entry over last 3 days and still was not completed.
The book mentioned 6 major deposits:
1. Understand the Individual. A major deposit is to really understand a person. Understand what constitutes a deposit to the person. “To make a deposit, what is important to another person must be as important to you as the other person is to you.” - I have never really consciously thought deep about this but it makes so much sense. It is similar to the 5 Languages of Love by Gary Chapman – doing what is perceived as the language of love by the other person, not my own definition of love.
2. Attending to the Little Things. It is oh so true! I remember the little kindness accorded to me along the way, in my daily life. There is no comparison. The same close friend once commented that I appreciate too easily, even small things … But really, it is the small things and details that make my lives so complete. I reciprocate “small” gestures in big ways coz I never thought they were small, they gave me emotional security. “People are very tender, very sensitive inside … even within the most toughened and calloused exteriors, are the tender feelings and emotions of the heart.“
3. Keeping Commitments. I am a sucker for commitments. I meant the words I said, except some jokes I made. For some people, their words meant a lot to me, coz I hear them, I hear them often and I believe absolutely in them. Cultivated trust ~ hmm. In a recent incident, my respect for a person got tripped, fell flat and went straight to the pits, literally … I was pissed, unimpressed, period. And my life moved on. All because of words and commitments.
4. Clarifying Expectations. “Many expectations are implicit … Expectations around roles and goals … Fulfilling them makes great deposits in the relationship and violating them makes withdrawal …”
5. Showing Personal Integrity. I like the way honesty and integrity were defined ~ Honesty = Conforming our words to reality; Integrity = Conforming reality to our words. Hmm. To be loyal to those who are not present. “It is how you treat the one that reveals how you regard the ninety-nine, because everyone is ultimately a one.” More food for my thought. How true!
6. Apologizing Sincerely When You Make a Withdrawal. “A person must possess himself and have a deep sense of security in fundamental principles and values in order to genuinely apologize.” … ”People will forgive mistakes, because mistakes are usually of the mind, mistakes of judgement. But people will not easily forgive the mistakes of the heart …” - This is so profound, and I appreciate this great piece of advice.
This is one great life lesson for me on its own. I recounted the deposits people made in my daily life, I am truly blessed. I believe in angels in my life. My Emotional Bank Account with some people are returning high interest rate, and I barely notice their withdrawal. On the flip side, I have left some behind in my life as they have overdrawn and the account is seeing red. I have never really thought about “me” in the Emotional Bank Account in another person’s life, maybe I should think about it or maybe I should be myself. In totality, I am thankful for the many people that touch my life!
0 responses so far ↓
There are no comments yet...Kick things off by filling out the form below.