Right after class today, Sarah asked Chef Sebastien if he was ready with our results for level 1. He was and he printed the result sheets for us immediately. This was the first week since our finals 3 weeks ago that the culinary institute regained full power after Ike.
Chef Sebastien gave me mine. I was happy to be in the 90s but that was about it. I viewed this result very practically, it was my past 10 weeks and I have already assessed myself for my daily work and finals, I knew where I should improve and further work on. I told Chef no one in my family, including my husband, asked about my result, they only wanted to make sure I am okay and I am still enjoying my course. I guess I am at a different stage of life - my competition to grow is within myself. My Dad would asked me every Friday, “Joycelyn, you are still enjoying your course right? Everything is okay right?” My Dad is the only one at home who called me Joycelyn, maybe my bro-in-law David as well, I am known as Joy to my family since a chubby baby…. sometimes with a “s“. I didn’t know why Dad added a “still“, but he was happy to know week after week my reply was the same since I started – I am enjoying myself. Till now, none of them knew about my result or would that make a difference. They only knew I have moved to another class and have a different Chef.
As far as results are concerned, my parents stopped worrying for me since I finished my academic studies 15 years back, grew up a pretty down-to-earth person and married a decent guy. Their concerns were now transferred to my nephews and nieces. They know I turned out good despite some minor trips and falls.
Up till I was 7, we lived in a big family compound of 3 generations – my grandparents, my parents & my bro and sis, my Dad’s brothers and families. As the families got bigger, my parents and Dad’s siblings started to move out and own their own apartment. Due to schooling arrangement, my siblings and I continued to live with my grandparents, and they were to move back to my parent’s place when they started attending high school. By the time it was my turn, I was tasked to live with my grandparents as they were getting on in years, and my grandma was sick and had regular relapses from her ailment, if not annually, my role was to ensure she lived through each episode and got to the hospital on time for medical attention, and she was one strong willed lady. Each episode was scary but I was always glad she lived. That formed almost the later part of 11 years of my life living with my grandparents.
When I was growing up, I never worried too much about studies, just say I would just do well in elementary and middle school, coupled with some awards like First in Standard (gosh, my sis is still keeping the books I was awarded in standard 1 & 2, The Neatest (my mum would get our pinafore starched for school??!!) etc. I was always known as the youngest sis of my sister who excelled academically. The expectation of me was I would do well because my sis did. When it came to extra-curricular activities (ECAs), I made all my decision. I was severely active in school – Netball? First Aid, Nursing and Footdrill? Say I was in the competition team.
Then came high school, I didn’t realise there were so many things to study before my exams so my academic results spiralled to the pits. But I still excelled in my school canoeing team and outdoor activity club. Retrospectively, I am really blessed, I was given 1 year extra time to redeem myself and if I were to live it all over, I would choose the same. That year many things happened – I guessed they happened for good reasons for my later life – my Dad stopped talking to me altogether, he just didn’t know how he could help me, it hurt me but I guessed I hurt him deeply, I lived with this fear of disappointing him for a long while till recent years … … my civic tutor whom a year earlier I thought to be a boring Physics lecturer staked her reputation in the principal’s office in front of the principal and my Dad to guarantee I would get my As & Bs the following term to continue my ECAs, and I did (only for that term) so that I will not disappoint her faith (I was not sure why she believed in me when she didn’t even know me) in me and till today I am forever indebted to her – she is really a matron angel in my life … same time I learnt the value of true friends and till today even though I have many “friends”, a few confidantes and I stood by each other … In canoeing, I had already received the gold award a year earlier, from then on, I stopped competing against others, and only competed against myself – better my techniques, my timing, my fitness, my mind, …, that formed my belief in teamwork and win-win, I measured myself against my own result and my fulfilment – that year I pitched myself against myself, I didn’t know who my competitors were, it was all about mind over body. … … At the same time, lots of self inflection because I had myself at home with my grandparents that I couldn’t share much of my growing up pains.
When I finally graduated with a degree in Psychology, I can truly feel my Dad was relieved. In my U years, I lived in hostel and later a rented apartment with some friends … All in all, that was 14 years leaving apart from my parents but I turned out pretty decent … ha ha ha. My Dad witnessed that and trusted me more now, I guess.
My last result which my ever protective Dad bothered about was my relationship years ago, he was afraid I fumbled and fell flat with my then boyfriend, now husband. I guess he set aside his worries on our wedding day, maybe after. I think so?!
When I surprised everyone at home about moving to Houston in 3 weeks and taking a course in Baking & Pastry Arts, there was a momentary silence, and we believed Dad had his dinner stuck in his throat. Ha. Then they threw me a farewell dinner the night before we left on the 5am flight. With my family, ever supportive, we spoke regularly, they usually just wanted to make sure I am doing fine – the people I met, the Chef I am learning from, interesting things I did … nothing about my % or the number etc.
Working with my hands till I came to Houston meant working on my laptop for last 13 years and my brain was wired differently. Some areas needed to rewire. In other areas I am glad they are as they are. My commitment: I do my part with my utmost best, what I can control - Observe and Apply, Listen and Take Notes, Practise and Practise, Read and Understand, Learn and Never be Afraid to Ask, Be Proactive … the rest I leave to the Universe and to my Chef. ;p To borrow some words “I still have time“.
