As I stood at the bus stop this morning waiting for bus 40 on Ella Blvd @ T C Jester Blvd, I suddenly realized I have been staring at a shop front daily without giving it much notice. It is usually open by the time I reach the bus stop at 6.50am. It is Mary Lee’s Donuts.
~View from the bus stop every morning~
I have never liked donuts since I was small, I often associate it with sticky hands after I put my hands into the plastic bag containing the ”moist syrup” donuts Dad would bring home at the end of his work day, which I learnt later in life they were plain donuts dusted with fine sugar. I never got to like them even when I tried a couple in the past years due to donut frenzy in Singapore. I did not like the after taste of sugar in my mouth. My most recent taste of it was a Shipley’s Donuts breakfast treat from my classmate April. I will try one from the shop one day…
I took to taking public buses when I relocated to Houston. It means long waiting time for bus connection, especially in the hot afternoon sun after school. I realized, though it seldom comes to my consciousness, I often stared blankly into something, with thoughts and images simply filling my mind. This was not so in my first week in the unfamiliar environment, I was on super high alert to the point of paranoia, I was often scanning the environment, the objects, and the people suspiciously.
From my recent virtual communication with a few friends back in Singapore and around the world (The World is Flat!), I decided that I would soon share on the virtual space about my current life and my thoughts. I have been elusive and non-committal to update even close pals, some of whom I managed to inform after I have finally settled down in Houston. There was a time I decided whoever not in my constant contact need not know too much about me, I was uncomfortable at the level of “mind-my-business”. From this point forward, I am ready to share, I think.
“Thank you, you have a great day!” I said to the lady bus driver I meet on a daily basis, got off the bus, crossed the street to 34th Street. My next bus should be here in 10 minutes.
As I get older I like attending gatherings less. It is a contradiction, since as I get older, I also make an effort to attend gatherings, whether it is among friends or family, I make a point to make it for people who organise it and for people who make time for it. I choose to live life with No Excuse.
“How are you?”, “How are things with you?”, “Are you still working at the same company”, “What do you do right now?” etc. “I am ok”, “fine”, “err, when was that I last told you … Oh no, I am not working”, “err, …” etc. Next. The routine and superficial connection bored me and bothered me. The chatting will last the next 2 hours, and we have no further contact with the persons for next 6 months to a year for promising cases, and for years in some others. The loads of superficiaries got off-loaded soon after and our lives continue. Try as I might, I can’t keep up with the lives of people around me. So I am guilty of all the questions and answers that have become so automatic, which sound as meaningless to them as it is to me.
My Past: I Learned, I Move on ~ Joys
I am a nostalgic person, but I have long outgrown my past. My past could be as recent as seconds ago, but more realistically, it is as recent as June 2008. We may look no different from months or years back, but we feel, think and live differently. Do not be mistaken by my reference to past association, I appreciate you as you are at this point. “Oh, you are so different now… Last time, you always …”. Yes, you are right, it was my last time.
My Future: If I know, I will not be here as I am today ~ Joys
Don’t worry about my future too. I often get questions on what I want to do in future, and all go into the mode of fortune-telling. That bothers me too, because I really do not know, if I know I will not be here as I am today. I will be where I strive and thrive to be then. Focus and appreciate my present. Questions, especially those that I asked myself and did not have answers for only create barriers for me taking another step forward. I do not want to explain uncertainties because I do not know how to.
My Present: I Am as I Choose To Be ~ Joys
I choose to be a career-changer, I choose not to indulge in excuses, I choose not to waste precious moments away in mindless chats, at one point I chose only to be open with a special few. From this point forward, I choose to be open and share my outlook in living my life.
I am in Houston now because I choose to. I choose to trade the comforts back home in the short term for a learning experience in Pastry & Baking which I (we – that includes BK. I am here because he encourages me in pursuing my vision and mission in our lives) believe will last me (us!) a life time.
Know Me First Hand
Hear me, hear me First Hand from My Heart; Know me, know me First Hand from Yours. ~ Joys
The bus reached Crosstimbers @ NFwy, <Stop requested> sign turned on, … it is not the same bus driver today… I got off the bus, scanned the environment briefly and walked forward. Looking forward to another new day in school. It has really been enjoyable, all because I choose to.
